We both realized this past weekend ‘Hey! We met for the first time on this day a decade ago!’ I am sure we both didn’t know what to think that evening, July 25th, 2016.
So, what happened? We each got in our cars and headed 90 minutes from our homes in Richmond, Virginia and Greenville, North Carolina to meet somewhere in between; the Applebee’s off Interstate 95 in Roanoke Rapids, NC. In both my personal and professional life, I have learned that I never know where the next conversation will lead…just make the decision to have it anyway.
“Faith is unseen but felt, faith is strength when we feel we have none, faith is hope when all seems lost.” —Catherine Pulsifer
Angela and I may be the exception, I am not sure, as we were introduced via eHarmony and talked for several weeks before actually deciding to meet. She was working as a Paramedic and Cosmetologist, and is always purpose driven. I was working full-time as a contractor and balancing life as a single parent, and was in the middle of marathon training. What we didn’t know is where our lives would go from that night, and ten years hence I can say that our meeting turned into an authentic connection for life.
Our first date, I think Faith took the picture too…
As we sat down at the bar, it was as we had known each other for years. Then we heard, ‘My name is Faith, what would you like?’ We could both answer that much differently now than then.
The conversation was endless, witty, meaningful, and yes, our bartender was named Faith. We both think about that night, and it seemed divine intervention that two people from different walks of life, and living in different cities would meet. When we drove out of the parking lot, Angela stopped her car, got out and ran to my door as she just wanted two more minutes which turned into forever. She also has looked through it and written about her side of forever.
Scars, Differences, and Seeing Each Other Completely
“Our pathways often twist through stormy landscapes; but when we look back, we will see a thousand miles of answered prayers.” – Psalm 66: 19-20
As with many others, we came with scars and wounds from life. I had wished for a way out and also spent years getting through Tuesdays as I navigated life on my own. Angela survived Stage 3 colon cancer (was given a 35% chance to live) and experienced the death of her first love and future husband in 2004, and other life disappointments. We were open with each other and saw each other as we are, nonetheless.
Angela is a native North Carolinian who is part Cherokee Indian, and I am what I could describe as an Asian Caucasian (also known as Third Culture Kid). She grew up in Salisbury, North Carolina (I can use Google Translate as needed) while I did the same in Asia (Singapore), after spending my early childhood in Toledo, Ohio.
She is an incredible artist and always looks to learn something new, such as taking on acting roles and getting established in the industry. Or coming with me to Singapore to meet my extended family, fall in love with the country and food, and see where I grew up. She has taken me to the homes of her youth as well. She has said to me, and knows full well, she could not be married to someone like her….and needs someone with ‘duck feathers’ as she calls me.
Childhoods in North Carolina and Singapore, whoever thought these two would meet in the Summer of 2016!
At our stages in life when we met, we expected scars to be visible, yet what made that evening ten years ago a beginning, is we also saw it as a connection that made us stronger together, and grew to realize that how we see ourselves determines how we approach life.
I understand the view that generally it works best when two people are similar in their backgrounds, experiences, upbringing, and such. However, what I have experienced is also true, as different as Angela and I are in many aspects, we learn so much from each other that we would not otherwise.
I know I am better for it, and am grateful for her perspective yet we always allow each other the freedom to be us rather than contouring ourselves to be someone we are not…we see each other as we are, completely.
Shared Lives, Shared Care, New Strength
“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Our lives together have had times of rough seas, however our care for each other serves as an anchor. We have gained strength together through the many changes, which included saying goodbye to my home of 19 years, and deaths in our families.
What we have also come to appreciate is:
- Our lives have new and more purposeful direction with each other, love helps provide that
- Life has some hard realities, and reassurance with a shoulder to lean on helps make it bearable
- The basis of any relationship, including marriage, is a stable and solid friendship
- When you take life down to the basics, love always matters and provides the fuel and strength to keep going
- Love is also a decision, and is best when it is freely offered without condition
To keep me grounded, I will think about the Bible verse conveyed at many weddings (including ours), namely 1 Corinthians 13:4-7….Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
If I substitute my name for each mention of “love” or “it”, and read it out loud (or better yet, to myself), it sounds demoralizing…yet I seek to try my best to live it out anyway.
For All Mankind
So how do shared lives and shared care apply to us all?
Having just witnessed the World Cup this summer and the heartwarming interactions among people of many nations who learn from and enjoy each other’s company, I think about this in the larger context.
From what I have come to appreciate noted above, it is evident that it is about the universal need for connection which is essential for emotional well-being; love is a vital part of the human existence. We must also never underestimate love’s ability to encourage, heal, and connect. Both Angela and I have experienced how love (even before we met) provides strength during hardships, offering comfort and support.
And the strength it provides helps us navigate life’s difficult times, and is a basic and fundamental human experience that connects across all continents and backgrounds.
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” – Maya Angelou
As I reflect on the last ten years, and think about how unlikely it should have been for Angela and I to even meet, I always go back to that night ten years ago in Roanoke Rapids, meeting each other for the first time, and hearing ‘My name is Faith, what would you like?’
Getting a Bubble Tea in Singapore…she will always say yes to that!
Faith (the inward conviction)…may we all keep that close too.
Happy 10th Anniversary of seeing each other for the first time Angela….I love you! And thank you for taking that leap of faith.
As Gen-X kids, we love the Eagles and this is one of our favorites, and I would like to leave this for us and for all mankind.
Thank you for reading…this place is where there are heart driven conversations, one at a time, to remind and encourage that we all Bleed As One.
Ed