So, how does an immigrant originally from the Ukraine who has journeyed through struggle, heartaches, and fears cross paths with a guy from the American Midwest, who grew up in Asia, in Southport, North Carolina? It never ceases to amaze where broken roads we all can travel lead us in our lives, such as the experience of Turning the corner at Grace, and I have learned that going down these roads is often worth the journey.

Sergiy Yarovyy didn’t know what was around the corner, other than more rough terrain and unknowns, and as I spent time with him I reflected on something elite long distance runner Ryan Hall said (who has completely transformed and is now a body builder) when asked “Are you this good because you have worked and trained harder than everyone else, or because you are more blessed?”

His response: “Neither. I am what I am because of the grace of God. God’s grace has allowed me to pick myself up out of the dirt time and time again. That grace is something we can all have. It obviously takes a lot of focus, discipline, humility, hard work and all those other things that make up great athletes but that is just who I am. We can all achieve a level of greatness when we are who we are meant to be to the fullest.”

It was February 6th, 2023 when I walked into Southport CrossFit for the first time. My first impression was seeing this guy doing power cleans with more weight than many people can bench press; he is an incredible CrossFit and all around athlete. He competes in CrossFit competitions, and really does not like losing, he takes it personally. His routine involves getting up at 3:15am, sleeping in is 5am. He guards against pride and views the gym as a refuge, not an idol, and fully realizes that an unhealthy focus can take over. That said, he likes to be in shape and have the energy to fully experience life each day.

Sergiy doing some heavy lifting

I vividly remember after that first workout I wondered, what am I doing here? I was so exhausted, and seemed so out of place, I felt like a cartoon character where an anvil had been dropped on my head and Bugs Bunny was holding placard in front of me with a picture of a screw and a ball on it.

Obstacles can be opportunities

I often need to remind myself that you never know where the next interaction, or conversation will lead. After several months and spending some time with Sergiy at the gym, he would always encourage and has a quiet strength about him that is fueled by faith, purpose, and an appreciation for those around him. I recently sat down with him to learn more about his struggles, including losing his Dad at a young age and being raised by his Mom and Grandmother. He was uprooted from all he knew at fifteen from his home in Nikopol, Ukraine, had to quickly adapt to the United States, learn English, go through the culture shock of moving to North Carolina, and navigate the universal experiences of brokenness amidst the tension between hurt and healing within his own family and relationships.

“We are stronger in the places we have been broken” – Ernest Hemingway

Two Countries, One Home

Sergiy was born at a time when eastern Europe was changing in 1991 to Luba and Eduard Yarovyy; the area where they lived in the Soviet Union split and became Ukraine that same year. His Dad was in the Soviet military and even though it was prestigious, he hated it and he escaped to Ukraine from his Soviet military post when independence happened. Luba was a local news anchor in Nikopol and they had a loving family nucleus. Sergiy’s memory of his Dad was that he would never back down from a fight, and had a bad scar of a knife wound in his knee.

Sergiy with his parents, Eduard and Luba

I asked Sergiy what he remembers of the day that he wish would have not happened. It was likely like most days, off to school as he was in kindergarten in 1996, with a hug and a smile; he remembers having a strong headache that day. His Dad was was out an about in town, picked up a 16 year old hitchhiker and soon after hit a tractor trailer, head on. The hitchhiker survived, Eduard did not and died of blunt force trauma. It may sound odd, the accident happened next to the cemetery where he is now buried. It is custom in Ukraine to bring the coffin with the deceased into the home to mourn before the funeral, and that is what Sergiy remembers vividly, however he did not understand the finality of it all.

Sergiy will always carry his Dad with him

There is a hole in his heart and a longing within him of the ‘what could have been’ with his Dad in his life to be with him today, and he does think about how his life would have been influenced had his Dad lived. From every wound there is a scar, and from every scar there is a story. A powerful one.

Through my own experiences and learning from others we all have the capacity to transform those wounds to The Strength of Scars, and I shared in 2015:

“In life, we are going to encounter bumps and ‘jagged rocks’ as we climb through the years. Many of them hurt us, scar us, and leave us sore and bruised. However we can choose to see all the bumps, bruises, and scars not in terms of the damage they caused, but as stepping stones that provide focus to a higher plane of living; they make you strong.”

For Sergiy, rather than dwelling on the scar he is using the strength gained from it as a Dad today, being intentional and purposeful in everything he does including being present to make moments count.

“The wound is the place where the light enters.” – Ancient Proverb

After his Dad passed away, Sergiy was raised by his Mom and grandmother. His Dad’s family kept close as well, with his grandmother on his Dad’s side staying close with Luba. They were what would be considered middle class on a tight budget. Their life went on and he was quite happy growing up in his country with many friends in school, and the support he had at home. When we talked about racial issues he experienced in Ukraine, the country is predominantly Caucasian, however there is a sizable Jewish population. The only racial slurs he would hear would be in movies, and racism and/or vitriol was predominantly towards regions within the country (e.g. east vs. west). He only spoke Russian at the time and did not learn English until later, when he knew there was no other choice.

Young Sergiy with his Mom, Luba

So, what led him here, to Southport, North Carolina? Chances, waiting to be taken. His Mom, Luba, does speak English and had come to a point in her life where she was ready to consider dating again. It was the early 2000’s and internet dating had just started. Little did they know this chance, the possibilities, would turn into what they needed. A new start and life in a new country.

You can do it buddy

January 17th, 2007: From Ukraine with Love

What brought Sergiy and his mom to the U.S. was love. Luba met Jim via the internet in the early years when dating sites were their infancy. They developed a wonderful connection and being that she spoke English, they were able to legally immigrate via a marriage visa. Jim has been a wonderful step-dad to Sergiy, and considers him his Dad. Having a no BS and direct approach with him was needed and he expressed his admiration and love for him fully aware that he was not the easiest teenager to deal with (I’m sure many of us can relate).

He remembers the day, January 17th, 2007. The move to Southport, North Carolina where Jim lived. Sergiy needed to learn English, and quickly. Before the move, he was put into an extensive program and barely passed it. He was not wanting to leave Ukraine, his home, his friends, and being close to the memories of his Dad. It was emotional, to say the least. There was also in the back of his mind the impressions made in Ukraine of America, where the people were viewed as lazy and overweight.

As an aside, I get it Sergiy. We shared my similar experience leaving the U.S. for Singapore when I was 9, without my Mom and brother, and then after Singapore became my home having to reacclimate to the U.S. again; it does pull at the heart strings. Becoming a Third Culture Kid and my adventures with Dad is something that I will always be grateful for, however it came with an emotional cost.

Being fifteen and barely speaking English, Sergiy started at South Brunswick High School, he was the only foreign student. He knew that he would need to be immersed with others to be fluent in English, and though he conveyed some were nice to him, many others didn’t like him right away. In fact, his high school experience was awful and lonely. He was made fun of and told to go back where he came from. To find ways to be liked, and recognizing athletes are popular, he started to play soccer to meet others and fit in, however became more withdrawn and stopped sports altogether. He would sit at tables for lunch (or anytime else) and felt invisible, even tried corn-rows and blond hair. He started dating a girl he didn’t really like however he was lonely and didn’t want to be.

With his sister, Savannah, at Oak Island in 2009

At 17 years, and 119 pounds, Sergiy was having an identity crisis and I’m sure longed to be back home in Ukraine. That is what loneliness can do, bring thoughts of not wanting to be where you are and he was searching to be comfortable and confident in his own skin.

“God allows us to experience the low points in life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.” – C.S. Lewis

It seems to me that the school calendar for Sergiy was one with red X’s across each day, week, and month, anxiously waiting to get the end. Self-admittedly he was one that was quick to anger and raised his voice, a lot.

His high school years were an absolute low point and to say that there were issues and he was not liking it in the U.S. was an understatement.

The calendar finally caught up with him, as it does all of us and high school ended. Though his times at South Brunswick High School and the adjusting to a new world was both lonely and chaotic, Sergiy was learning how to redirect his anger and loneliness, in a more productive way.

With his Mom, Luba

The Transformation Project

It took some time, and there came a time where Sergiy became more comfortable being alone and learning that there is a difference between that and being lonely. I have observed over the years that people can be with others (i.e. not alone) and still be lonely, with loneliness being an emotional state and being alone a physical one.

According to Sharon Melin, MA, an Outpatient Therapist, loneliness can make us feel that our true self is not seen or understood either by others or from within. Solitude, on the other hand, can be both craved by many and feared by many, part of this has to do with the relationship with ourselves. Seven years as a single parent, and being raised by one as well, has taught me that if one can enjoy being alone, it is a good sign that you are comfortable in your own skin.

After graduation from high school, he went to Brunswick Community College before attending the University of North Carolina Wilmington (UNCW). Sergiy started to redirect his anger and new found desire for solitude to the weight room, and the transformation began. At first he hated weightlifting, however after learning more about it through YouTube (learned from Arnold Schwarzenenegger and other transformation stories), it moved him to move on it. After three months, someone noticed that he changed and mentioned it, that mention served as the motivation to keep going.

Encouragement, it works more often than not.

Slights recalled also provided motivation, such as being ignored and feeling not to matter, others telling him he would never get stronger and muscular. As he discovered, those slights from high school would disappear with each passing rep in the weight room, and encouragement from others in his life now. Pain became purpose, which transcended into his self esteem, confidence, and image. Hard work pays for itself and in 2013 he earned a spot in a Body Building show.

Heathy redirection of anger and slights became fuel in the gym

At UNCW, he was an average student however gained more self-confidence and felt less lonely. Sergiy remembers his best friend Allen Moore, who was black, and knows they were more alike in meaningful ways than they looked.

Then there is an experience that left him puzzled and upset, namely graduation. They chose him to have a speaking part and he could not understand why. His grade point average was not worthy nor was he involved in student government or sports. After he spoke for three minutes he learned he was chosen because he was from Ukraine, and nothing else. It was upsetting because honors such as that should be reserved for those that earn it, and not taken from them to satisfy the need to have an international student front and center.

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Odyssey of Unanticipated Detours

After his UNCW days, it should shock nobody that Sergiy’s work ethic, tenacity, and resilience translated well in one of his roles as a personal trainer at Cape Fear Fitness. During that time the movie Safe Haven was being filmed in Southport and there were many new people at the gym, in town for the filming of the movie. One of the people was Josh Duhamel, one of the lead actors, and Sergiy was honored to be his trainer. If you are reading this Josh, he remembers you and glad that your expected career as a dentist took an unanticipated detour as well.

Upon becoming an American, with his Mom in 2013

There was also something compelling that pushed him to talk to another gentleman at Cape Fear Fitness, thinking he was one of the actors. Except he was not. He was Tim Rasmussen, a pastor from California who travels to the Southport area every year with his family to visit. Tim shared about being a Christian and the gospel with him for the first time ever, in such a way that compelled him to want to learn more. Over the years he never gave up on Sergiy and would send him study materials and a Bible. Nevertheless, he was a skeptic and there were many hurdles for Sergiy to internalize and overcome. Eventually he became fully convinced that Christ died for him and he became a Christian, knowing full well it is about direction and not perfection.

“The God who made us can also remake us.” – Woodrow Kroll

Sergiy is one that believes in showing up at what you do, and having relationships that are intentional, meaningful, and truthful. He knew as a believer that there were aspects of his life that needed pruning, and was well aware not to get prideful in aspects of his life, and not to let the gym become an idol. He started going to Generations Church to help encourage his walk with God. Little did he know where this unanticipated detour would lead.

It was August 2015. A church friend of his invited him over for dinner one evening to enjoy each other’s company and meet a female friend of theirs too, Landis. Another unanticipated detour, and he is glad he took it. We never forget the time we meet our spouse for the first time. They married at the Southport Community Building in June, 2016.

With his wife Landis with their son, Weller

He and Landis having been growing stronger together ever since with their Christian faith as their foundation, keeping the Word of God at the center of their marriage and seeking to honor each other always. After eight years, they now have 2 sons, Weller and Walker.

Some treasured time with Weller and Walker, and Oaks!

A Purposeful Journey

Sergiy was last in Ukraine in 2008, seeing his grandmother and visiting his Dad’s grave. He misses it and his country of birth will always be within him. The war has created churned up emotions of what he should be doing to help, and I could not help think that where he is now in his life, the road that led him here, and now being employed as armed security at a nuclear power plant, he is doing something. We all can matter, even though it may be in ways that may not come to mind.

Sergiy’s Dad, Jim, with his grandson

As I learned more about Sergiy through our heartfelt conversations, I could not help to think about how broken roads can lead to beautiful destinations. It is akin to a map with a web of roads, paths, and roads not taken that sketches the emotional geography on our life canvas and guides our quests for connection.

It can be a tumultuous journey that can touch your soul deeper than you ever imagined and allow you to experience learning, growth, and self-reflection, as you wind through life. Every unanticipated detour and hardship can have a purpose that can transpire into something profound, be it personal, relational, or professional, including love. It reinforces experiences of my own and others that we find our true selves through the rough terrains of life where setbacks can serve as mile markers to something greater on the horizon.

I wanted to end with something that captured Sergiy’s journey in a way that I never could, namely of love’s capacity to transcend the past. The songwriters convey that in finding love that truly understands, past pains diminish, and the focus shifts to the shared future being built out of broken pieces. I can’t help to notice how symbolic the roads that brought both lead singers to each of these bands together, as Gary LeVox worked in a local burger bar as a teenager in Powell, Ohio, and Arnel Pineda was singing karaoke in the Philippines (and to prove he was who he said he was, sang for the Immigration officers when coming over to America to audition for Journey).

So, where does the broken road lead?

Ask Sergiy, I’m sure he will tell you not what he planned and better than he ever imagined. His life serves to reinforce the idea that faith, relationships, companionship, and understanding can help heal past wounds and that love can help redeem lost time.

Thank you Sergiy for opening your heart, being vulnerable, and sharing your story to encourage and remind us all that we bleed as one.

We can call this a power clean lunch!

Until next time,

Ed